Author, Author!

Think about the last book you picked up. Chances are, somewhere on the front of it, especially if the author was relatively unknown, someone famous wrote something nice about the story you were holding in your hand.

“Brilliant! The next great American Vampire novel!” Famous Author

After you dismiss the rumor about how Famous Author is paid to do that, shed the bad advice you’ve most likely read somewhere. That is, “You should never pay for a blurb.”

How in heaven’s name did the unknown author get the famous author to say that? It would mean the famous author read it! (Absolutely, entirely, right now, dismiss from your mind any rumor you may have heard about how Famous Author really doesn’t read the book; he or she is just paid to say that. That’s unprofessional behavior and unlikely; a rumor probably started by those sour grapes people who can’t get a blurb.)

As everyone knows, getting anyone to read something by an unknown author is an uphill slog, and the hill gets steeper the more impact the reader may have on the author’s career. You finally got a publisher to read your novel, maybe you even have an agent, which means you’ve convinced two people to read your work and they liked it!

You probably don’t absolutely need one of those blurbs, but it’s a hefty piece of artillery when you’re selling your book. So, how do you get one? Ask.

Ask? That’s it? No.

Somewhere in there after you’ve dismissed the rumor that famous author is just paid to do that, shed the bad advice you’ve most likely read somewhere. That is, “You should never pay for a blurb.”

The thing is, that author is in the business to make money. Famous Author may love telling a good story, may love creating fascinating plots and great characterization, but their cats have to eat too. Their time is extremely valuable–as valuable as is yours!–and they’re hard at work tapping out the next Great American Novel. You’re asking them to interrupt their work, which goes to feed their slightly-better-fed-than-yours cats. That doesn’t mean you have to pay them what they’re worth. If you’re just starting out and you’re a normal human being (not a member of any monied class, I mean) you can’t afford what they’re worth. So:

1. Start with an author of your acquaintance, or the acquaintance of a good friend, loving relative, or someone you can blackmail or bribe for a polite introduction. Your editor may know someone who would be perfect. Your agent may too. Ask them first. If they know someone, your work may be done for you. If the introduction is from a friend or family member, you’ll probably have to keep working it. Try not to accept introductions to self-help gurus if you write torrid romances. It will only embarrass you and Famous Author. Your clueless friend or relative will just wonder why you’re both confused and embarrassed. If Famous Author writes potboilers and you write fantasy, a blurb from them will most likely not serve you well. Readers who are drawn to a blurbed book pick it up because they expect it to be “just like” the work of the author who blurbed it. That doesn’t mean they want the exact same thing. It’s easier, for me, to think of it as a food craving. If your Famous Author writes steak and he blurbs your watermelon, readers who wanted steak, even if you provided a very good watermelon, may feel cheated, and readers who feel cheated complain.

2. If you can, find out if the author you want to ask has a no-blurbs policy (many of them do). If they do, Do Not try to get them to change their mind for you. Believe me, the rules always apply to you, even if you think they don’t. Just go find another one.

How do you find out if they have a no-blurb policy? One of the easiest ways is to search the author’s website and/or blog. I’m betting that all mid and top list authors have been asked for at least one blurb and will probably have written about it. Make notes of what they said. Plan to use them later.

3. Now’s the time to ask. A sample letter might go something like:

Dear Author who is my friend:

I don’t know if you remember, but my novel, “Abigail Adams” is going to be published by Brilliant Press this year and will be coming out in December. “Abigail Adams” is an 80,000 word story that is sure to attract your readers, since it contains blah and blah, and has the edge of the seat quality you’re known for. I know you are very busy and that this may be an imposition, but I wondered if you would consider reading my story and providing a blurb for it.

Brilliant Press is a micro indie press, but the publisher appreciates your time as much as I do and has offered to pay an honorarium if you’d be willing to read it, even if you’re not comfortable providing the blurb after you have done so.

Your friend,

New Author

Your publisher may not be willing to provide the honorarium (ask if they’ll at least pitch in). You may have to do it yourself. Ask yourself how hungry your cats can get before they gnaw off your toes in the night, cut that amount of cat food in half so that you don’t lose your toes, and plan to spend that amount. Being a new author, I wouldn’t expect you to offer more than $500.00. I would hope you could offer less.

Your new acquaintance, the friendly author, is either going to ignore your note, tell his or her secretary to ignore the note, have a minion answer that he or she doesn’t do blurbs but please buy his or her next novel, or he or she may come back and say “how much of an honorarium?” or “I remember you! Sure!” or even better, “Oh, I’d love to, no honorarium required!” Any one of those means you’re very likely in (though the second and third are best for that Whoot! feeling you want).

Please note: It helps with the remembering you part if you’ve met him or her more than once, perhaps even talked to him or her about his or her books, or even struck up a casual friendship where you could talk about clothes, children, or those pesky cats. The casual friendship should feel mutual…on both your parts. Don’t assume they’re just like you, or that they’ve been waiting for your call/e-mail/registered letter/actionable offense in a parking lot and will drop everything to get this done for you.

4. If he or she says “how much?” or “I remember you sure!” ask the author what his or her normal honorarium might be, but be prepared to make an offer if they hem and/or haw. If what they normally receive is completely out of your budgetary range and would mean that you’d be eating the cats instead of the other way about, tell him or her so honestly and regretfully decline. Then start over again at the top with a new author. You may find that the author will come back and say, “Naw, that’s okay. Send it anyway,” but please don’t plan on it.

5. If the author says “sure!” or any form thereof, tactfully try to discover how much time they think it might take, while you’re straightforwardly asking if they want an electronic copy, and if so what format they’d like (PDF, Word document, Works document, Open Office Document, some other document from some obscure software!?) or a printed copy and whether they would prefer bound or loose pages (you can get it bound at Kinkos and sent at the same time). Professional reviews from respected publications often take 4 months. Give your author the courtesy of at least that long, and let them know that you’ve done so.

Be sure to send the payment with the book in the type of payment they prefer (check, PayPal, money order, cashier’s check, other). If they want an e-copy of the book but don’t want electronic payment, be sure to inform Famous Author that the check went in the mail on the same day that you e-mailed them your manuscript, and don’t let that be a lie nor the check rubber. You don’t want to add this author to the list of famous authors with a no-blurb-ever policy.

6. Be sure to include a release for the author to sign stating that you can use their words in your marketing campaign.

7. Be prepared to lose the honorarium without losing your professionalism. That’s a tough one to swallow, but remember, you told the author not to provide a blurb if he or she couldn’t in good conscience do so. Then, too, the author may forget, or get behind on deadlines, or be swamped. It’s okay to write and ask the author about the blurb when you’re getting close to when you MUST have it or the publisher will pull your book from the print lineup, but… be prepared for it all to go pear-shaped, just in case.

If the author provides the blurb after the book is published, if an e-book with print occurring later, it can be added. If it’s already a done deal up there on Amazon and available at all fine book outlets, the blurb can be used for marketing purposes. If the author doesn’t provide it at all, just don’t talk about it.

If you talk about it, you run the risk of creating resentment in the famous author, or in the hearts of the famous authors’ friends or fans. You really don’t want to do that. If you talk about it, it will appear on the Internet. If it appears on the Internet, everyone will know. They will wonder why Famous Author hated your book. They will wonder why you’re lying about Famous Author. They will not, most likely, consider that your book is brilliant but that something happened that caused Famous Author to renege on his or her friendly agreement with you.

If you’re gracious, if you forget it, if you get the opportunity to be friendly with Famous Author again, you’re very likely going to improve your chances of becoming Famous Author yourself. Most Famous Authors are also people, really likeable people, and often very professional people. They’ll talk about you, and that, if you’re gracious and polite and write well, is a very good thing.

And that’s pretty much it. Let me know how the blurb went. I’m sure I’d love to read it.