7 Emails That Make Me Blink

I like etiquette. My husband was startled to discover that, since I tend to be a “you’re an adult think for yourself as long as you remember there are consequences” sort of person about other kinds of rules. I think it’s because I’m somewhat socially awkward. Proper etiquette helps me understand which foot to start on. The downside is that I’m often startled by certain behaviors.

I don’t really like being addressed by my first name when an email is business related and introductory. First names are fine after we’ve sniffed one another and wagged our tails but, especially if you’re selling me something, don’t get all chummy until I have enough information to know whether or not I want to know you. Of course, I recognize that this is aberrant behavior, so I try not to blink when someone sniffs first and introduces after.

I’ve been signing emails as if they were professional correspondence (which in this day and age they often are) since I started writing them with business in mind. I end with Sincerely, My Name and Company Name. I feel a little silly adding a title since I’ve become President, or Founder, or Publisher, depending on the business, and I see no point in adding the URL since it’s right there in the email address. Funnily enough, I’m backed up on that by Mitch Wagner, the Executive Editor of Information Week, who said, and I’m paraphrasing, that recipients of your email judge your importance in inverse proportion to the length of your email sig.

There’s another trend in email sigs that’s been going on for a while, I guess, but which I’ve only noticed in the last couple of years or so. Many of the emails I receive, if they’re signed, end with “best” or “best regards” and the writer’s name, with or without a lengthy explanation and/or list of urls to visit. The first one I received like that was signed “Best” and I wondered for the rest of the day, “Best..what?” I’ve gotten used to it now, and having read about it as perfectly cromulent on various etiquette guides makes me feel less contrary about it, but it was a bit perplexing at first.

These things, however…

1. Sending an email to “ALL” in one’s address book, thus releasing one’s professional contacts’ email addresses to friends and vice versa, and ensuring that the number of recipients is in inverse proportion to how important they’ll consider your missive. Worse (and there’s always a worse), it releases your “all contacts” to everyone else, some of whom ought not have that much power.

At least once a week, I get an email from someone I don’t know warning me about a virus, or the president, or imminent alien invasion, or sending me hugs, or telling me I’m a phenomenal woman (in addition to the ones I get from family and friends). The hugs are nice. I’m glad they appreciate my phenomenality.  I snopes my family and friends when they send me the rest, and hope that my original, professional contact will remind family and friends of Snopes and that emailing everyone whose email addresses they’ve ever received probably isn’t a good idea.

3. Joining every social networking site around and letting each of them rifle one’s contacts for other people to invite to join too.

I’m already signed up with Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn and Twitter. Any other social networking invitations go directly to my spam folder. If one slips past the spam filter, everything else the sender directs my way from that point on also goes to the spam filter since that’s the only way I can be sure to catch them all. That might sound like overkill, but I’ve received invitations to join:  hivelive, ning, virb, trig, purevolume, my.9rules, pownce, threadless, shelfari, good reads, beautiful society, humble voice, friendster, bebo, spoke, and more. It’s not that I’m not interested in other networking opportunities, but if someone wants me to join their network, including the information at the bottom of an otherwise innocuous email or as part of a real contact is much the best way to get my attention.

4. Signing the recipient up for one’s newsletter.

If I haven’t asked for it, don’t sign me up for your newsletter. You can tell me that you have one, or include the link to sign up in your signature, but signing me up for it without my permission is spam. I regularly receive 3 newsletters from the same person. She’s an entreprenurial go-getter, and that’s admirable, but I didn’t ask for any of them and they’re not on subjects that interest me. I regularly receive 2 others from someone else. Again, not invited. Spam, it’s not just for Russian mobsters selling pharmaceuticals anymore.

5. Sending an email that says, “see attached” or something similar but usually less formally written, with no explanation and, sometimes, no signature.

Oy! With all those emails going around telling me my computer will be blasted to oblivion if I open an attachment, why do you think I’ll open yours? Admittedly, if it’s in rich text format (RTF) I will, since, so far as I’m aware there are no viruses attachable to an RTF, macros won’t run in RTF, and I scan all my attachments anyway, but I’m not going to think well of you if you can’t even introduce yourself and tell me why you’re sending it.

6. Sending an email to a correspondent a part of which includes “see attachment” but no attachment exists.

I don’t know how many times I’ve done this. I write an email. I explain the attachment. I follow all the rules of etiquette, am a veritable font of wit and erudition, and then the expected reply is returned, but it’s not applause at my brilliance, it’s “Hey Deena, no attachment. Could you send?” Argh.

7.  Sending an email I wish I could take back.

Probably everyone has done this one, but boy am I upset with myself every time thereafter. I try to sit on the ones that are responses to something that’s riled me up until I’m calmer, until I’ve had time to research the issue and get my facts straight, practice an apology in the mirror if necessary, but I’m not always successful, and I regret it every time.

So, what’s like nails on a chalkboard for you in email?